I disgustingly push the damp pile of tissues down my Garfield trash can with the arrival of a newly filled snot-rag, the ninety-third of the day. The blur of my motion as I grasp a tissue with my left hand, sneeze, and deposit it with the right is hindering my ability to read Hamlet, let alone type an assignment about it with the afformentioned preoccupied hands. [sigh]

magenheim put up a really sad post about childhood and nostalgia...which brought my post about all my memories with Kevin to the front of my memory. Childhood was so great. The Past tense sucks.

Another tissue wizzes by...I'd like to add that I finished off the tissue box. Damn germs, I hope their happy. The only logical explanation I have for this sudden sneezing is that I got some kind of cold from being thrown into Mayer's pool yesterday (an overall very swell time, minus that event). Either that or I'm allergic to chlorine.

And now that I remembered everything that happaned yesterday..Shrek was an awesome movie...I saw it with erik and allison (happy birthday erik). Both as a computer graphics buff and a person with emotion and a sense of humor...I really really adored that movie. It made me wonder, admire, think, not quite cry, but most of all laugh out loud. It's been a while since a movie made me do that. See it if you haven't.

And now I have to go hunt down a new tissue box. crap.

I've always been a sucker for quotes, and here are two I found to be profound.

"Only the winners decide what were war crimes."
Gary Wills

"I just don't know why they're shooting at us. All we want to do is bring them democracy and white bread. Transplant the American dream. Freedom. Achievement. Hyperacidity.
Affluence. Flatulence. Technology. Tension. The inalienable right to an early coronary sitting at your desk while plotting to stab your boss in the back."
Hawkeye, *M*A*S*H*, 1974

I really wish I had seen more of MASH. I saw one episode, my first episode, on my plane ride home from ISEF in California, and it was hilarious. Excellent humor blended with social satire masterfully.

Well, blogvioces died, the free service that was running the commenting system. It sucked to begin with, and its dissapearance, and my consequent loss of all the comments that anybody had done to my posts..all two, was enough motivation for me to dust off my programing skills and write a commenting system, which is the one being used now. I just wrote it in the last few hours, so it might be buggy, but from what I can see it works pretty damn well.

So PLEASE..comment. I know I suck. I know I'm worthless, but yea... post responses or whatnot.I might bend the scripts to work as a messageboard for general discussion. right, yea, so post.

In news, I have been recommended for a course "Philosophy of Human Experience", a college level philosophy course offered by our superintendant, Dr. Grieco.The recommendation came from a teacher..I am guessing Mrs J-D. It looks like a really amazing course. I have spoken to both Etay and Dave Aslan, alumnists of the course, and really been turned on to it. I just hope it fits my schedule (with AP Chem and Physics), it's going to be rough, but hey...that's what learning is about, right? pushing yourself. Myself, push by me. Push me, by myself.

Senior Experience Presenations started today. There was a really interesting part of Etay's presentation (he interned at 40 acres and a Mule filmworks, the house that spike lee built) where he played a snipped of a movie (by Spike Lee) where there was a disc jockey to a radio station that would restate sentances with the words rescrambled, revealing an entirely new meaning. It was most amuzing and impressive. The meanings were very deep, and I greatly enjoyed it.

That was a tangent.. Back to the course. I have now written two of the three entertaining writing assignments for the course. It is an application of sorts, and I am definately kicking it's ass. I'll post my responses at a later date, once the due date has passed. Now off to do other things. Math Final tomorrow.

i disabled posting responses in the talkback section for now.. for two reasons. The first being that nobody ever comments, the second being that it makes the site slow as hell to load. If this is a big loss, complain through e-mail.

what aim is doing to the world. I use a random IM as a basis for an interpretation

cheeeto845: aslpic
nuttyswede: hello, i'm human, nice to meet you. I speak in sentances.
nuttyswede: i am 16, male, and from new jersey
cheeeto845: y do u write in sentences
nuttyswede: well not always, but i just find it so unatractive to speak in abbreviated phrases, especially when they aren't even coherant like aslpic, and especially as an introductory greeting
nuttyswede: i don't feel that 16/m/nj says anything
nuttyswede: and i don't wish to converse with the people for which it says anything
nuttyswede: i like to think interact on a slightly more complicated level

hmm...

"Just take it easy, and make sure you enjoy every morsel of your life, that is the most important thing" - Kevin

How do I enjoy every morsel? Is that possible?As much as I've been preaching life to be the derivative of events, i am finding the double derivative to be the esence of character. It is weathering adversity that builds character, and this means facing hard times and good times. From this character one establishes the derivative. Hmm, perhaps I have lost myself. I had a very long discussion with erik, and i have no time to lose...Hamlet awaits.

During my summer escapades I am definately going to bring along a journal with me. A journal, some white t shirts, jens and shorts. That's all a man needs. It would be a real accomplishment to write a book, I think I could do it. It would be very similar to the blabery format of this journal, much like Zen is written. It would be an account of thoughts and such. I would make it required reading for those persons who want to enter my world.

my parents just throw shit into my room in piles of other useless crap which leads me to dismiss the entire pile as useless, thus missing "semi-"important things, like a friends Eagle Scout ceremony invitation, and my SAT registration papers, but of which i was never shown. "Oh don't guve us that, we put it in your room...ohhh no, don't!" So I told my dad he could go fuck himself. He sent me to my room thinking it'll serve me right to miss dinner, but little do they know I already ate at Hooters with Erik and Jordan (an entirely amazing adventure all together).

I would like to paralell this scenario with one scripted by the late great Douglas Adams...

"But Mr. Dent, the plans have been available in the local planning office for the last nine months."
"Oh yes, well, as soon as I heard I went straight round to see them, yesterday afternoon. You hadn't exactly gone out of your way to call attention to them, had you? I mean, like actually telling anybody or anything."
"But the plans were on display . . ."
"On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them."
"That's the display department."
"With a flashlight."
"Ah, well, the lights had probobly gone."
"So had the stairs."
"But look, you found the notice, didn't you?"
"Yes," said Arthur, "yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying 'Beware of the Leopard.'"

so yea, maybe it's a little more extreme then "I put it in your room...", but you get the reference, don't you? damn bastards.

They just throw all my shit right in the door. All the college mail junk just accumulates all over the place. They obviously don't see the pile.

All that, and they give bad advice. I had my graphing calculator stolen when I was in Princeton at the Plasma lab, and they made me pay for a new one, and gave me a huge speech about taking responsibility for my belongings. So I try and obey them and when we have a lacrosse game I put it in my lacrosse locker instead of bringing it in my backpack to the away game and do all that kind of junk, moving it around and hiding it, AND NOW I THINK I FUCKING LOST THAT TOO. peice of shit. Things work out so much better when people don't try to change me. I work just fine the way I am, it's the world around me that needs changing.

I just finished doing a character log for Hamlet and Polonius for Act 1, scene 2, scene 3, and scene 4-5 of the play. A lot of work, but I will admit to gaining a great deal of insight into the plot through the activity. Learning to learn. I had a very interesting conversation at the dinner table today..err, yesterday. It was about what erik said saturday. Should one proiritize education, or should one prioritize merit, which will permit further learning? A difficult question. My parents were clear about their view that merit is what you need to be able to enter the real world at a level where you can then spend the rest of your life learning what you want. It's one of those do the boring stuff before the fun stuff. But then after watching "more", that arguement disintegrated under the remark "All work and no play doth make Jake a dullard", a line from Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew (I was Trinio in my class's fourth grade production.. on that note, there were no performing arts in all of middle school...fascists). Going on, It feels like the debate amounts to wether you should tend to a will to learn when it hits you, or wait until you are in a position to better tend to it, most likely at a point when your creativity has been stiffled by so many years of focusing on merit and not education itself. I really hope for Erik's sake that he gets a 1600 as he is predicting, because that will certainly help him get into Cornell or werever he wants to go. He will need that, because he has prioritized learning over merit in a way that has been very sad to watch. Seeing such a talented individual be held below people like Jen Suh who don't know the capital of China is a major flaw in society, but it will be cleared up once the real world is allowed to make it's evaluations, beyond the system. It is there that erik needs to get... it is an environment where he can prioritize learning and development and not have to fear compromising anything for it. His problem is that he does not fear it at all, and that is why his grades have suffered. He is idealist like that. I just hope the shortcomings that the system has labeled him with are overlooked so he can reach the real world in good standing. It is o so hard to reach that world without being turned into the grey mass that Marc Osborne so grimly depicts in "more".

That is the challenge. To use your color while you still have it. I fear all to much that my better tendancies will dwindle to thoughts and then only whispers of thoughts. I feel a tremendous need to accomplish something for the good of society, in a rebellious way, all before high school ends its days. I sadden as Bliss seems better and better. Where does one find strength to appose in a grey society?

as my thoughts settle, I wonder what has been accomplished, but I know that I need sleep. Philosophy is seeming so inviting now a days. It is what I thought Physics to be, namely the highest level of science. But not so. Philosophy governs scientific method and science and logic itself. Perhaps theoretical physics? Sounds so odd for something coming out of an Engineering high school. Since youth I was always one to question everything. My mother mocks me whenever I say (in swedish) "the problem mom, is". This is what I would say continuously as a child. Whenever there was a problem I would conclude in such a statement. That inquisitive tendancy in the nature of "how does this work?" was always interepreted as a desire for enginerring. Perhaps it is a more fundamental level of inquiry, on the philosophical level?

Wow, what a post.

I just updated the film sidebar favorite. More is a short film by Mark Osborne, nominated for the 1998 Academy Award (Short Film). Unexplainably amazing. As far as social satire in art goes, it is right up there with George Orwell's literary masterpeice 1984. wow. no, really... wow. That movie just accomplishes so much in so little time, packing in one of the deepest messages I have ever seen delivered in such an intense way. see it!

If you want to build a ship, don't drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea. - Antoine Saint-Exupery.

He is a very quotable person, and le petit prince is definately a very good book. In addition to it, I also read "The Resaurant at the End of the Universe" on the plane ride to San Jose, confirming my belief that Douglas Adams is the most cunning linguist to walk this earth. It is quite the scary how his departure from this world coincides with my reading. I am getting through Zen and the Art. I'm around the end of Part III. It is a very heacy read, so it can not be read at night before bed, greatly reducing my oportunities. All that plus Hamlet for JD. I'm a literary slut.

I got back from Battle of the Bands a half hour ago or so. Pretty sweet. Good time was had. I was supposed to hang out with Meg after but then I couldnt find her and I saw O'Conner going to Coach House, and I needed a ride home. O'Conner is definately my hero for the day. Such a good kid. Drove me home at 1 AM. Meg, another time!

how bout them yankees? WEAK. haha. I went apeshit photographing, thus establishing the existance of my photography section. I got some shots today of a bumble bee that I saw when I was walking in the front door. Might go up tomorrow. The photos I took are defiantely the shit. Photography is just so damn cool.

All that and a bag of chips.

So yea, I just got back for San Jose yesterday, returning to a massive array of work, and my AP Calc test is Wednesday, and We have THE BIGGEST GAME OF THE SEASON tomorrow, in Vernon, NJ, 2 hours away. Do or die for the states. w00t. We had an AWESOME game today against Blair, winning 14-13, scoring 4 goals in the last 3 minutes. HAHAHAHA. werd.

So ive been studying math since i got home, time to go read hamlet so I don't feel like a f00 in english class tomorrow.

It's been an AMAZING month so far. San Jose was IN-FUCKING-CREDIBLE. More on that when i start to settle. ahh..ehh.offf.pff.erg.

So...much...must...delay...work...till.weekend. Its gonna be a rough one. O well, thats the price to pay. damn

ok, i just got the hookups to someone that'll get me a webserving deally for 5 bucks a month, and it's good ish. I'm thinking uberluser.com. well really an umlaut on the first u, but yea. uberluser. maybe org. not net. They're all available. Well yea, it would be cool to have a domain like uberluser. And if you register it, YOU'RE DEAD. yea, just had to clear that up. sorry.

Finished an updated resume, now it's time to make a cover letter.

I got home from the Sparta game at like 9:30 after a triple overtime in the JV game. 11 quarters of lacrosse will a lot to a man. After a quick dinner, I proceeded to pass out on the sofa, wake up at 3:00AM, and I just finished my work for engineering fair. 2 sessions of 3 hours of sleep ain't too shabby. I would love to rant some more, but I need sleep bad yo.

if anyone has ever gotten a peice of meat stuck in their teeth, they know how nice it feels to get it out. Well I had dinner at like 6:30, and I JUST got it out,a nd it's 1 am. Let me tell you, pleasure is definately a function of time. ahhhh that felt soooo good. OK, time for bed.

update: I just brushed my teeth, and whil doing so realized...why does meat always get stuck on the bottom row of teeth? Can anyone else support my findings? I am having troube remembering an incident when I had meat stuck on the top. I can find all these places in my mouth where I can remember having meat stuck, and they're all on the bottom.

I'm a weird guy, sorry.