What's on TV Tonight? from theonion. awesome.

Another essay, this time about that whole college game.

Time Out or Burn Out for the Next Generation by William Fitzsimmons, Dean of Admissions and Financial Aid, Harvard College.

Colleges are fucking with my head. Derek Jun told me that Berkeley is the most impossible school to get into in the history of everything, but at the same time I found out that Princeton disregards freshman grades, which is unbelievable for me, and put's me at a fighting chance for engineering there. It's all so maddening, and I have to go through the process full force considering Sweden doesn't do their applications process until July, and I can't hinge on that. Nerv-racking. Also, I found out that my uncle did graduate studies at MIT, giving me some alumni status I suppose. Geez, things are just crazy.

My biggest dilemma now is Engineering Physics or Theoretical Physics. I know the difference, I just don't know which one is me. It's kinda a big difference in school choice, because some really good Physics schools just plain suck at Engineering (ie Harvard).

All of these schools are crazy talk because of my whole Sweden thing. I need to get an appointment with one of those college councelar types..find some more liberal types like Deep Springs, and meanwhile find out my chances to like Berkeley. That's bugging the hell out of me.

Then there's places like U Chicago and Tufts.

Then I gotta get me interviews, cus a big selling point of the me is my style...of life and all, my groove. On paper I'm a science dork. I need to debunk that and whatnot, which means writing essays about backpacking. werd. Maybe this weekend. Right now I'm procrastinating a bio essay.

FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING...read this.

Happy New Year: It's 1984 by Jacob Levich.

I figured I'd post something to get the discussion off my shallowness or whatnot, since O'Connor was just bustin' my balls anyways.

I get to play soccer in a like a week or so, so that's hot. We lost our game today though, despite my best effort to be the "T" in "BT!". Erik is "B", Jay is "!". Sebastian was the upside down exclamation point that you have for spanish things. Ah, good times. Soccer hooliganry. I'm gonna miss it once I start playing again...but not as much as I miss playing right NOW. Too bad we don't have a crowd bigger then...well...10? So yea, we're 1-1. (We won the first game 6-0) If we make states, we're gonna get ourselves some fans (or something)....

Back to the work I should be doing...

O'conner responded to the last post with this, and I thought it was important to answer him.

---
eric on Sunday September 23, 2001 03:13 EDT
wow, i never thought that johan of all people would become so shallow. it's a dark day...
---

That's where the debate is at though, is it shallow? Before I go off defending myself, perhaps I should ask; why is it shallow?

OK, I wen't crazy pompous ass about that whole rant, putting myself above male fashion. That was asshole, but I was trying to make a point. I take that back in the greater scheme of things, it was an illustration. I very much indeed have the opinion that flares are hot and whatnot. My rant against the non-existance of men's flares is very real...there's nothing wrong with that. I DID go a little overboard pumping myself as a super-something. I was trying to make a point. Really I was alluding to every guy I've ever seen in flares/bellbottoms (mainly in europe/sweden)... they all look like sex-machines in the way that a guy can look that way to another hetrosexual male. It's a beyond-the-me thing. I didn't mean to get all pompous. I got carried away...

There is shallowness in the last part... but wait just a minute -- what is shallow? Is it the power triping? When I wrote it all, I was against using the word power, because that's not really what I enjoy...I dunno, it's weird. The way I see it, really it's... IRONY, that's it. The fact that people find me attractive dressed in clothes that are the outcast of society. The fact that I dress like a looney, and that that has come to be 'trendy'.

OK, so I correct myself. I was ranting last night. It's the irony I enjoy. I don't think I'm "shallow", I don't look down on anyone about it. In fact, I don't even give a shit about the actual power, I just get a kick out of seeing it all happen. It's a laughter thing. I don't snicker at people, or call myself better than them. All you need is love...I'm still all about that...I'm still the same johan that doesn't give a FUCK what anyone else wears.

So yea, I'm sorry, It's an irony thing. Now please, show me the shallow, if you still see it. Really, I want to be attacked on this one, only then can I see the wrong in what I'm doing.

Am I shallow? Am I an asshole? How? Why?

wow.

OK, so I just scoured the internet for fashion compaines that currently have flare or bell-bottom jeans in their current men's fashion line. diesel, levis, A&F, AE, lee . . . none of them have any type of flare or bellbottom in any line, not to mention jeans.

Now I for one like flares and bellbottoms, I own two pairs of plaid pant variations of them, and they are the biggest chick magnets this side of Ron Jeremy's bedroom door. Really, they totally snag the female eye. In fact the only male I've ever seen that hasn't been a complete chick magnet in flares is Josh Atlas (bless his hobo looking soul...) Now why oh why don't designers have them for men? Why? Perhaps I'm not searching the 'real designer names', but they all have weird names, italian names, and I don't know any Italian, so back off. But even diesel, and lee (which, mind you, sells jeans for $120 in Sweden) don't have them. Well, to lee's credit, their european store didn't have a product gallery, and deisel's was confusing, but I searched their site pretty hard. Oh, yea, sure they all have women's flares, but do I come in women's sizes? No!

To Fabbe and all the swedish kids, who makes men's jeans with flares/bellbottoms?

Today I bought a pair of Abercrombie and Fitch flare jeans for $3.99 at the Salvation Army thrift store. I look so damn good in them I should get paid to wear them to school. SERIOUSLY. People are going to be checkin' my pants out like crazy on Monday, and A&F is going to have a sale with every insecure person who see's the magnetism I will have over the women. And I have mono, HA! Keep them back I say...

But Johan, you got your jeans, what are you argueing about? Well they were the only pair of flare jeans I found in the entire thrift store! Which brought me to realize that I couldn't have found a pair of flare jeans who's intended customer was male even if I hit up the real stores! Ha!

Whatever, I'll keep being a sex machine and eventually some designer will see my hotness and cramp my style once again. Abercrombie has a line of plaid flares (again, for girls) now.

Maybe the guys of this country just aren't secure enough about their sexuality to wear flares and bellbottoms. Eh, I already look like a hippie, so I guess I don't care, but sure, I could see where a lot of people think I'm gay. But, it's like Eddie says in SLC Punk:

"I know I'm not gay, the ladies know I'm not gay. Half the guys who give me shit for being gay, it's not that they want to fight me, it's that they want to fuck me."

and

"The problem with somebody giving you shit about being gay, it's not that they're wrong about you, it's that they're giving you shit."

That's were it's at. Rock. So, growing off that, I don't really care if a freshman calls me "Sunshine" in the hallway (reference to "Remember the Titans"), I enjoy the power that comes with having women undress me with their eyes. Seriously! From all the times I've undressed women with my eyes while talking to them, I've learned to read people's faces, trust me, they undress me. It's that power that gives me a kick. That they look up to me on the food chain of attractiveness.

Am I an asshole?

wow.

OK, so I just scoured the internet for fashion compaines that currently have flare or bell-bottom jeans in their current men's fashion line. diesel, levis, A&F, AE, lee . . . none of them have any type of flare or bellbottom in any line, not to mention jeans.

Now I for one like flares and bellbottoms, I own two pairs of plaid pant variations of them, and they are the biggest chick magnets this side of Ron Jeremy's bedroom door. Really, they totally snag the female eye. In fact the only male I've ever seen that hasn't been a complete chick magnet in flares is Josh Atlas (bless his hobo looking soul...) Now why oh why don't designers have them for men? Why? Perhaps I'm not searching the 'real designer names', but they all have weird names, italian names, and I don't know any Italian, so back off. But even diesel, and lee (which, mind you, sells jeans for $120 in Sweden) don't have them. Well, to lee's credit, their european store didn't have a product gallery, and deisel's was confusing, but I searched their site pretty hard. Oh, yea, sure they all have women's flares, but do I come in women's sizes? No!

To Fabbe and all the swedish kids, who makes men's jeans with flares/bellbottoms?

Today I bought a pair of Abercrombie and Fitch flare jeans for $3.99 at the Salvation Army thrift store. I look so damn good in them I should get paid to wear them to school. SERIOUSLY. People are going to be checkin' my pants out like crazy on Monday, and A&F is going to have a sale with every insecure person who see's the magnetism I will have over the women. And I have mono, HA! Keep them back I say...

But Johan, you got your jeans, what are you argueing about? Well they were the only pair of flare jeans I found in the entire thrift store! Which brought me to realize that I couldn't have found a pair of flare jeans who's intended customer was male even if I hit up the real stores! Ha!

Whatever, I'll keep being a sex machine and eventually some designer will see my hotness and cramp my style once again. Abercrombie has a line of plaid flares (again, for girls) now.

Maybe the guys of this country just aren't secure enough about their sexuality to wear flares and bellbottoms. Eh, I already look like a hippie, so I guess I don't care, but sure, I could see where a lot of people think I'm gay. But, it's like Eddie says in SLC Punk:

"I know I'm not gay, the ladies know I'm not gay. Half the guys who give me shit for being gay, it's not that they want to fight me, it's that they want to fuck me."

and

"The problem with somebody giving you shit about being gay, it's not that they're wrong about you, it's that they're giving you shit."

That's were it's at. Rock. So, growing off that, I don't really care if a freshman calls me "Sunshine" in the hallway (reference to "Remember the Titans"), I enjoy the power that comes with having women undress me with their eyes. Seriously! From all the times I've undressed women with my eyes while talking to them, I've learned to read people's faces, trust me, they undress me. It's that power that gives me a kick. That they look up to me on the food chain of attractiveness.

Am I an asshole?

So yea, I'm a free-wheelin', hatchback-havin', stick-shiftin' mofo. Well, at least I'm gettin' there...

Date: Sun, 16 Sep 2001 21:03:49 -0400
Subject: Fwd: online petition
To: sen, jun, soph, teachers

A petition to the U.S. Congress stating that those who sign it believe the
United States should do everything in its power to eradicate terrorism.
Please read it. If you agree with it, sign it. Just something you can do
to help.

http://www.petitiononline.com/CAAT/petition.html

----

So here's my response....

Yes, I agree with the ends, but where's the means? I will agree to the ends, but I fear that signing something like that only puts pressure on means that just aren't means... I mean, really, who would not like to see terrorism eradicated? I also want world peace, and honestly, that's what you're asking for...It's just that hard.

I see no solution. War is NOT my idea of a solution. You can't just kill Osama Bin Laden, then you only get a martyrdom wave through the fundamentalist movement...and you can't bomb the terrorist countries, we've felt that pain, how can we possible wish it upon others? Drawing blood is not the answer...

For the love of anything, what is there to do?
Scroll down for the Dr. King speech, please.

My brother in Sweden sent me words out of the Swedish media.Pierre Schori, Swedish Minister of Foreign Affairs, spoke out hopping that the terrorists would not suceed in instilling terror that their terrorism sought. When people stop flying to the USA then they have won. When Congress considers a mandatory Cryptography backdoor, they have won.

Right now I want the world trade center back, I want the people back, but they're not in any craters we might blast into Afganistan. I'm trying to speak out against the war fever that seems to be building in the American people (65% support according to 60 minutes) while I still can...The FBI has dug up it's Wiretap laws again...and then with some censorship a war comes forth, and with it patriotism, and then we're at jingoism, why not take the leap to fundamentalism while we're at it. I'm not denouncing patriotism, I just think we need to rethink our actions...and not jump into a war with no workable timeline. Try to draw it...it's a mobius strip.

And so, I denounce terrorism, I wish to erradicate it, and I think everything that can be done that will actually move towards that end shall be done. But right now I don't see anything...

I remember what Bush said on Tuesday night, during his 8:30pm speech.

"Terrorist attacks can shake the foundations of our biggest buildings, but they cannot touch the foundation of America. These acts shattered steel, but they cannot dent the steel of American resolve."

Unfortunately, let us remember that the foundation of America is that which we're defending...because lately it seems to be under attack...from within. The terrorist goal wasn't to massacre New York City, that was their means. The ends they seek is terror amoungst the American people.

Now what are our means?

I talked on the phone with ma bro' Martin today. He quoted a pretty interesting perspective out of the Swedish media... Basically, the arguement was that what was most important was that we not let the terrorists win, not letting them instill terror. When America gets scared, that's when they've won. When America begins sacrificing civil liberties for security, we're scared.

And on that note, this: Congress Considers Mandatory Cryptography Backdoor.

Loren over at underachievers.com is a great guy with a great collection of news articles collected over the past few days. A lot of alternative-media resources and a great deal of quality opinion writings. Check it.

But you know, you can look into the past too. Never forget the past...

I just re-read Dr. Martin Luther Kings Jr.'s I Have A Dream speech. Check that out. If you don't, spare some thought to the message included in these excerpts.

"But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation."

"But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force. "

Some random opinion while I sit at home and rot away..

The 'war on drugs', though it will now be overshadowed by the 'war on terrorism' is a fucked up thing...fuuucked up. As I see it, drugs fall into the same category of thinking as I have with abortion...

You may have your opinion, and you may not like it, but that doesn't give you the right limit my access to it.

Drugs like abortion, I am 'pro-choice'... There's a lot of meaning in the term 'pro-choice'... just like they don't call it 'pro-abortion' or (if you want to get extreme) 'pro-murder', I don't call myself 'pro-drugs'.

I have a strong belief in civil liberties... remember 'pro-choice'.

Right. So right now these steriods are ca-raaazzzy. I went down to the gym this morning and I did 4 sets of 20 reps benching 225. ahahahaha...ha...ha..[cough]..ha..[cough]

The cortozone steroids or whatnot are helping a lot and I can swallow again...I woke up at one o'clock last night unable to swallow. SERIOUSLY. I could NOT swallow. When I would try to swallow saliva it would only send it to the back of my mouth, and my throat muscle system refused to pass anything on to the esophegus. I had to flood stuff down with water that would run down my throat with some gravity. Scary shiz. Around two I struggled for like 5 minutes to get some ibuprofien down. I didn't fall asleep until like four.

But yea, I'm on steriods now, so I can swallow. At least until sunday. Still no clue when I'll be in attendance at school...

Just as the world collapsed, my world has collapsed. Terrorists invaded my body today. I have mono.

damn this sucks.

As it gets late, and another day reaches an end, I am still at a loss for words. To those of you across oceans that I have not been in contact with, I am unscathed, as is my family, and from what I know the wellbeing of dearest friends has not faced consequences. I am unscathed, physically, while mentally I feel that I have endured the full force of a 767. Right now, though the hour has not passed, I dug up "Yesterday" by the Beatles.

For me, the world trade center bombing is an eternity away. To say yesterday at this hour is to only begin to make a statement about how surreal this all feals.

I was sitting in the Philosophy of Human Experience, being introduced to the concept of existentialism when the superintendant, who teaches the course, was interrupted with word of the events. It was about 9:20 AM EST, and two planes had crashed into the Twin Towers. I rolled my eyes, pondered the terrorist groups in my mind, but never did I think for a second that there was a risk for collapse. Those kind of things just don't collapse. The existance of the twin towers is as real as the color of snow, or the geography of Europe. It was a static part of me.

I think that is the worst case scenario, when static ideas are attacked. Therein lies the risk of hysteria.

Erik was saying today how it could have been worse, they could have hit our industry. I mean, we're not going to die of starvation. That hit me. I'm sorry, call me ignorant, but that is a risk that I don't think any american has considered even possible. The supermarket is static. Food just doesn't not come flowing into the household. "What do you mean theres no food? I have money, I can't starve!" There lies a truely static element of american life.

And now 18 year olds are crying about fear from the draft. I have a gigantic amount of comments here. The main focus of the outrage over the terrorism has been criticism of the fundamentalist belief in martyrdom. They attribute the diffuclty of the battle to the willingness of the fundamentalists to give their lives for a cause, and theres little you can do about that. That's true, there is little to do about that. But here we are calling this an act of cowardice, for them to sacrifice their lives in order to kill others, and we are simultaneously putting ourselves at the brink of war.

So do you call the draft? Jackie, I love you, but I really thought about what you said."tomorrow is US pride day, everyone wear US colors (jeans are blue, everyone owns a white t-shirt, etc). try to be wearing as much red white and blue as you can. send this message to as many other people you know. Lets get the whole country into it. At least send it to 10 other people." This along with the pledge of allegiance upsets me. Upsets the rational of my existance. What is going on?

Manhatten, New York, America, capitalism, "democracy", just felt a blow like few others in history. You can not escape the pain. Everyone feels the pain. How can we wish this pain on others?

Please people, althought I fear that it is already too late, make every attempt possible to abstain from violent outbreaks. The enemy here is the penetration of fundamentalist thoughts into the rationale of democracy. The attack today was on democracy and freedom, that which I can not agree fully exists in the United States, but I do realize that a statement like that is whining, and I will agree America at least is an icon for these things. By letting the department of war turn this into a violent attack, we lose. That is our loss. That is when democracy has been attacked. From within.

I side now with Saint-Exupery when I say "Beware of Baobabs!"



---
Yesterday
(John Lennon, Paul McCartney)
Lead Vocal: Paul McCartney
---
Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be
There's a shadow hanging over me.
Oh, I yesterday came suddenly

Why she had to go I don't know she wouldn't say
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Why she had to go I don't know she wouldn't say
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe in yesterday
Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm
---

I've been becoming a severely less frequent poster, for better or for worse, anyways, here are some things that I've been through recently, in no perticular order.

Yesterday my dad found this CD-R out on the street that was significantly mangled by the asphalt, but I put it into my CD player anyway, and lo-and-behold, it plays. What, you ask? Well track one is this rap-type song with this girl singing 'put it in my mouth, my motherfuckin' mouth'. There's a really funny line were the thugster guy goes "I'll be like Herby and hand you a cock." haha, i laughed. Silly ghetto-music. Well yea, the other songs include the song from revenge of the nerds with "we got poindexter and the violin"...yea, it brings back memories. Also, it has the oompa-loompa song. Weird. Well yea, I was quite disturbed by this first song, I'm playing it right now. Here's the reasoning behind my fluster...

On my street, I am obviously the oldest 'kid' as a senior, with everyone else off at college. The closest kid to me in age is like a freshman, and after that there is a plethora of middle schoolers. If middle schoolers are listening to a song with a...we'll call here a "ho" is singing "put it in my mouth, my motherfuckin' mouth" with a "thug" singing backup with lines like "yea, yea, what, what", then I think it a good idea to get into to handbasket industry, because this world is going to hell in one. I mean come on, I live in J.A.P.-town, USA. There isn't a ghetto within 20 miles...

Speaking of ghetto's, a few weeks ago I was at the corner of Rosa Parks Ave and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Drive in Paterson. It was erik, eric oconner, jordan, matt, and I. Man was that scary. I mean, yea, sure, I'm not one to go flip about ghetto-fobia, but we were sitting in a maroon buick which had a stuffed bunny strapped to it's hood ornament at a red light in the middle of the ghetto. I though the kids were gonna start tuggin' at the bunny and fight over it and pull out a cougar magnum. Yea....

So yea, that CD is still playing, and track 3 goes something like "If I could teach the world to be a thug with harmony, then I would teach the world to be a thugster just like me." and "That's why I get high." I mean COME ON, this IS NOT THE GHETTO. Why are trashed-out whiteboys burning mix-CDs about weed and thugs. GEEZ. Thinkin their all bad ass. Next thing I know I'm gonna go outside and my sixth-grade neighbor is going to call me nigga.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not some kind of elitest. What I'm reacting to is how "thugs" manage to make MILLIONS by marketing their "illegalality" as "cool." And MTV eats it up like a starving vulture, gladly marketing drugs and thugs to the youth of America. And then these kiddies start talkin' badass like they've actually had ANY hardship in their life. Oh wait, remember when daddy wouldn't get me another playstation to hook up to the TV in our Ford Excursion? Yea, that was rough. Man, I should be frontin' with dat nigga.

Who do I blame? MTV and the Media. What a fucked up phenomenon. It's mirrored in the screenames of said individuals. Like, err...SwEeTRiNmYdReAmS...yea.

Yea, that's it for now, let's get some discussioning goin'.